Writing: Bee Movie

Note: So, I watched Bee Movie and I had no idea that there was a courtroom scene. For giggles, I decided to put my mock trial journalism skills to the test and write an article about Bee Movie.

SENSATIONAL TRIAL CAUSES BUZZ IN HUMAN AND HONEY BEE COMMUNITIES

November 2, 2007

NEW YORK CITY – Following a week-long trial at the Superior Court of New York, honeybees successfully sued humankind for the unlawful sale of honey and use of bee labor in the case Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry.

Arguing the case for beekind was Attorney Barry Benson Bee, a recent college graduate. After visiting Honey Farms, Benson Bee was appalled at what he saw, citing the conditions at the farms as “man-made wooden slat work camps.”

In response, opposing attorney Layton T. Montgomery argued that mankind’s use of honey was justified as “man’s divine right” and “the bounty of nature God put before us.”

Key witnesses Klauss Vanderhayden, the owner of Honey Farms; a bear; Sting, the lead singer for the band The Police; and Ray Liotta, actor, were called to testify in front of the court. Calling attention to the appropriation of bee culture and exploitation of bee labor by these individuals, Benson stated that “by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have, but everything we are.”

A major point of contention was the use of bee smokers by honey farmers to sedate bees. Benson Bee stated that at the farms, honeybees were “forcibly addicted to smoke machines.” Montgomery, on the other hand, called the smokers a “harmless little contraption.”

The case reached a climax when Montgomery was stung by Adam Flayman, a member of bees’ legal team. Montgomery called attention to the fact that the “queen gives birth to all the bee children”, and therefore, Benson Bee must be “an illegitimate bee.” Flayman, angered by Montgomery’s argument, yelled “I’m going to pincushion this guy,” and stung Montgomery in the buttocks. Shortly after, Flayman was rushed to the hospital.

Despite the incident, both Flayman and Montgomery returned to court the day after. However, the bee’s legal team was not present, leading to calls to dismiss the case entirely. In the nick of time, Benson returned with a key piece of evidence: the Thomas 3000.

Quite literally, the smoking gun in the case was the Thomas 3000, a bee smoker in use at Honey Farms. When the function of the smoker was demonstrated by Montgomery, a large majority of bees in the audience were knocked out.

Presiding judge Bumbleton immediately ruled the case in favor of the honeybees, as the jury watched in horror at the smoker’s effects.

When questioned after the trial, Benson Bee only had one thing to say: “My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants.”