After holding off of on writing this for a few days, I'm finally going to force myself to put down my thoughts. I graduated high school last friday, on June 6th, 2017. I begin a new life at the University of California, Berkeley, on August 14. In the meantime, I'm going to try and enjoy myself this summer vacation, although I still have a few plans and responsibilities: interning at the Alameda County District Attorney's office, writing for this blog, working at that ice cream shop, getting ready for Berkeley, and a few other things.
I'm sure I've mentioned this time and time again, but this year has defied my expectations– I wouldn't trade it for anything. We placed fifth in the national We the People competition. I'm the best mock trial journalist in California. I placed second in the area round of the American Legion oratorical contest. I judged for the science fair. I was accepted to all of the Universities of California I applied to, with some very good scholarships to boot. I graduated with a 4.0 unweighted GPA. I got a paid trip to UCLA and had a great time with some newly found friends. I've made so many friends and become close to so many of them. So much has happened in this short year that I never would have expected, especially if you saw who I was just a few years earlier. Hell, I even got the guts to ask a few girls out on dates. Who would've guessed?
I finally feel like I've left the shell I've lived in my entire life, and I'm so much happier for it. I still have problems stressing out about the future and opening up to people about my feelings and all that fun stuff, but that's alright. There's time, and there's hope. I don't know if this is how technically being an adult feels, but I'm indifferent about it. I expected that the moment I'd get up there on the stage and pick up my diploma I'd feel more free or more mature or more of anything, but I just feel the same. I feel like me, but me with just a little bit less off of my back. One of my friends said it took three days for graduation to really hit her last year– and I wonder, has it hit me yet? Maybe it never will. I don't mind.
But, this wasn't a perfect year. Nothing ever really is. There were high points and low points, like everything else in life. On May 20th, my friend and AP Chemistry lab partner's sister passed away after a long battle with cancer. She was young. On June 8th, my AP Biology teacher and science fair advisor suddenly passed away, just days after his retirement. For all that he did for me, I wish I spoke to him more or simply visited him to say hello once in a while. I have a picture with him at graduation, but that's it. I left one of my science fair pins in his old room as a sentimental gesture and thank you for all the help he's provided me these past few years.
Until recently, I've never really dealt with death, or at least it has never hit me as hard as it does now. Life is unfair, and it doesn't make sense sometimes. Good people go; bad people succeed, or get more than they ever really deserve. But, still, no one ever really is just good or just bad. You just have to push through those low points, and eventually come to terms that there is never really a reason to what happens in life. There's always light.
I still need to figure out how to deal with emotions and people. I need to learn how to help others and be a leader, and I think Berkeley will be the place to do that. I'm going to get that environmental sciences degree in memory of my teacher. I'm going to push through and continue the success of this year.
"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less."
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